I wanted to share with you a brief email exchange I just had with another woman who’s had breast cancer.

She wrote:

“I am pleased to hear that you are returning to your work and slowly starting  to feel yourself.   I totally understand those feelings as I too am fighting to pick up the shattered pieces of my life. With very best wishes for more and more good days.”

My reply:

“It is a slow, slow process – the shattered pieces of one’s life can feel like shards found in an archaeological dig, and even if they are stuck together, one can see the cracks in the pot. But the thought that reconstruction is possible is – when one doesn’t feel too down – a little light in the dark.
I sympathize greatly with you. Keep fighting, but be nice to yourself!”

Dear RRR

It’s a long story, but my email account at Bar-Ilan was cancelled four months ago.

And I didnt notice for a long time, because email and the computer and I were not getting on well…

However one of those technical bugs prevented people from being notified when they sent me a message.

So from now on, please use morrir@gmail.com

Thank you!

Best

Ruth

Dear RRR readers
I will shortly be writing directly to those lovely people who amazingly have remembered my birthday yesterday and greeted me, whether electronically or “conventionally”. You are wonderful!
It is 10 o’clock in the evening on Monday, May 14, and I have just stopped translating a German article. It is about the recent event in Israeli politics which has given the government an enormous majority and left a tiny opposition. I feel very good to be struggling with the job of turning a pretty clear original into an English version that reads well. This is a relatively short text, but I have taken time off from a longer Hebrew text about the middle class, to which I will return as soon as I can…
All of this has been interrupted by a 10-day visit by David’s favourite cousin Sylvia and her friend Susan. It was like being a “real family”, and the dishwasher went on every two days rather than every three or four…
When I had my fall in March (Daisy pulled me over and I spent four days in hospital…), among other things I damaged my left hand, and had to remove my wedding ring. I was beginning to think that I had lost it when a couple of days ago I dropped my pill box and lo and behold, one of the compartments that I don’t use any more opened up and revealed the ring. My finger is still too big to get it on, and I may not be able to have it resized, but at least I still have it!
I am also taking steps to try to get the mail to my old and now defunct email account at Bar-Ilan Univer
sity redirected. I was told today that anyone who sends a message to this address is informed that the message has bounced because it no longer exists. To those of you who have sent me messages at this old address and have not heard from me, you know that this is not true. I have spoken to the computer man in the translation department and asked him to look into this, so that at the very least people will be informed that the account no longer exists, and will preferably be notified of the new address. I am also hoping that incoming mail will be redirected to my new address (morrir@gmail.com), but that might be hoping for too much…
I have started to come to the conclusion that what I have been through in the last two plus years has indeed had a major and somewhat traumatic impact on me. Not just my toes, fingers, toenails and fingernails, but all of me, internally, externally, physically, emotionally and mentally. But the fact that I am actually able to sit and do a certain amount of translation and feel to some extent like my old self gives me some encouragement.
I will now send this and then see if my website still lets me post to it.
In the meanwhile, I greet you all and thank you for being there. I know that a number of you have been worried about me because I stopped communicating. So consider this posting to be a good sign…
Warmest,
Ruth

–
Ruth Morris
Tel: +972-(0)2-6246458 Cell: 052-3466002 Fax: 153-2-6246458
morrir@gmail.com * RuthMorris13@gmail.com
http://RuthMorris13.googlepages.com  *  www.ruth-morris.info

Dear RRR

First of all, I wish to apologize for yet another prolonged silence. I know that some of you have been worried not to hear from me, so let me share with you the good news that I am feeling better. In fact, when I think about it, I can honestly say that the “black dog” of depression is very much at bay. I have been warned that there may continue to be ups and downs, but hopefully the downs will be less deep…

I am enclosing two attachments – the same thing, in one Hebrew and one in English.

They are invitations to participate in a fun fundraising happening.

For a great organization in Jerusalem called Hadadi (see http://www.hadadi.org/home-eng.html)

Hadadi offers a whole range of activities and support for “breast cancer women” (a term I use because I didn’t want to have to choose between have/have had/had – if you see what I mean.

And everything they do is completely free to participants.

Last week we watched a film called “Why I wore lipstick to my mastectomy”, based on a true story – of a 27 year old American woman. She is now 44 and has two children. Although I had seen the film before, it was a very special feeling to be watching it with all these special women, for whom the words “breast cancer” have a very special meaning.

As you know, today breast cancer is an epidemic. Everyone knows or knows of someone with breast cancer. What most people don’t realize is that it’s not just the medical aspects that have to be addressed. Both during and after treatment, there are many aspects – despair, depression, self-esteem, self-image, a feeling of loneliness – with which the woman needs support and help.

Hadadi offers support groups, one-on-one support, lectures, make-up workshops (believe me, when you’ve lost not just the hair on your head and body, but also your eyelashes and eyebrows, this is not a question of vanity!), yoga, art and more.

It has an extensive wig collection, and makes wigs available for free.

Hadadi cares and offers so much to us – the one in nine or one in eight women with breast cancer.

But like any organization, Hadadi needs money in order to operate. Especially because of its policy of not charging us.

Which is why next week, it is having a fun happening that includes yoga, a sale of designer clothes, pink cyclamen (pink being the colour of the fight against breast cancer), pink manicure and more!

All proceedings from the evening will go directly to funding Hadadi’s activities. The evening will take place at

Where - The Denmark High School, 26 Yehuda Hanasi Street, Gonen (Katamonim)

When? – Wednesday, February 22

Time:

Part 1: 18:15 – 19:45 Light refreshments, sale of designer clothing, manicures, pink cyclamens…

Part 2: 19:45 – 21:00 Special yoga activity – an uplifting experience, instructor: Suzie Rosenfeld, a “breast cancer graduate” and experienced yoga teacher, who is giving the workshop on a voluntary basis

How much? Entrance fee of NIS 30, all of which will go to Hadadi

Public transport? Buses 4, 4 Aleph, 22

PLEASE  tell your friends about this great happening – and come yourselves!!!

All of you on  the RRR list have given me so much support – as has Hadadi.

For my sake, for the sake of all the women you know of who have had breast cancer, for the sake of all the women who (lo aleinoo…. – I hope it’s not going to be you or your loved ones, family and friends!) are going to get breast cancer – come, come come!

With great appreciation for each and every one of you

Looking forward to seeing you on the 22nd

Ruth

Tel:  972-72-243-2333

www.hadadi.org

It’s been a long time since I’ve updated my blog. There have been the unbelievable four weeks of “the chagim” (festivals), which somehow take a big chunk out of normal life. And I am having all sorts of treatments plus tests, etc. I see my osteopath and acupuncturist every week. I have hydrotherapy every week too. And now I’ve started occupational therapy for my hands. I’ve done my nerve conductivity test. I see my therapist every week. I’ve done a PET-CT. With no indications of malignancy. My cancer markers are dropping. My feet are still unreliable, but on the whole I can walk, if not fast.

In July 2010 we paid for our seats for the High Holydays. Then in August I started chemo. By September I was shocked to realize that I was unable to walk to synagogue, a distance that normally takes me about 12 minutes to cover, let alone get up the stairs (two floors) and make it through the services. So there was no going to synagogue for me at all last year. I remember Yom Kippur very vividly. I decided to take Daisy out in the early afternoon so that when David came home during the break between services, he would be able to rest. I could barely walk, let alone hold Daisy on a lead when she decided to pull. So in the end I just let her go and tried to keep her within sight. Although our neighbourhood has very few streets with vehicles and nobody drives on Yom Kippur, I still didn’t want her getting away and perhaps getting lost. That was not my best Yom Kippur ever, as you can imagine. This year, however, I was able to make it to synagogue. And obligingly, the synagogue had installed a lift in the intervening year. So I had no problems getting upstairs.

The Rosh Hashana (New Year) service is replete with references to what will happen in the coming year, to individuals as well as to countries. Who will live and who will die. Who will prosper and who will do badly. How people will die. Who will be written in the Book of Life. And on Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, the Book is sealed. I cannot tell you how often I had to dab my eyes during the services. I came to realize that I had come close to being one of those who didn’t make it.

And I have also come to realize that there have been three instances of “there but for the grace of God”, or as the Hebrew has it, “mazal toch bish mazal” – good luck in bad. The first instance was the diagnosis of breast cancer – which led to the discovery of my lung cancer. The second was my allergic reaction to the patent blue dye used for my sentinel lymph node biopsy. Because I went into anaphylactic shock, the planned mastectomy was cancelled. The third I only recently learned about. One of the surgeons at my operation last year told me she had heard that in a single week at another hospital, three women had also had adverse reactions to the dye. I recently told this to a friend, who told me that a friend of hers was one of these three. The morning after the operation, she collapsed in the shower, as a result of a delayed reaction to the dye – and is now paralyzed on one side.

So if I feel emotional about being very much here and in pretty good form, I think you’ll understand. In the past, when suffering from depression and terrified out of my mind that we were going to be ordered to pay the other side two and a half million shekels, I totally rejected the statement “ha’ikar ha’briut” – literally, “health is the main thing”. I really didn’t understand. But I have come to understand that it is true. When one loses one’s health, one’s life changes out of all recognition.

And conversely, when one feels that the threat to one’s mortality has receded, for the time being at least, one really comes to appreciate the small things in life. Recently when coming back from my hydrotherapy session in Gilo (not a settlement!), our bus passed runners in the Bethlehem-to-Jerusalem peace marathon. My eyes needed dabbing again. Things get to me. Pleasurably. Positively.

There’s one more thing I want to share with you in this “pot pourri”. I recently participated in a very interesting six-week nutrition course for breast cancer patients. We were five women. At our first session, we all introduced ourselves. The first woman introduced herself as follows: “My name is Lydia, and I have been cured – and I stress, I’ve been cured – three times from cancer in the last ten years.” She took my breath away, not only because of what she said, but also the way she said it. I will always remember Lydia and her wonderful spirit.

My friend Naomi tried to encourage me when I was feeling terribly low during the early stages of my chemo by saying that I would be finished before the trapped Chilean miners were rescued. Eventually they were brought up to the surface far earlier than had been expected and well before I finished chemo. None of us can know what will happen to us when. All we can do is live our lives to the best of our ability.

Some of my medical documents conclude with the words: “Refua shlema and arichut yamim tovim” – roughly, “Wishing you better and may you have a long and good life”. I have come to understand that the important thing is not longevity – “arichut yamim” – but the quality of those years that one is given to live. And although the Book of Life may record what is expected to be our destiny in the coming year, we are responsible for the quality of the days that we are given to live.

Dear RRR readers

You know, sometimes I have felt sorry for myself in the last nearly two years. When we thought I had metastatic breast disease I thought I was bound to die in the relatively near future, and I just resigned myself to it, apart from an occasional cry on the back of our dog Daisy (who moved away after a couple of minutes…).

And I felt very sorry for myself during a lot of the chemo.

And I got depressed – once during chemo and once after the end of treatment.

But right now, I’m feeling pretty good – despite the “sensory-motor neuropathy” (hands and feet don’t work properly and sometimes they really hurt), even despite the hearing loss that is permanent and probably means I won’t be able to do any more simultaneous interpreting, and despite the fact – wait for it – that I’ve just broken two ribs (at the back – nos. 9 and 10 for the curious. Slipped in the shower, silly me.)

But now I’m really upset. So upset that I want to cry, but because of the broken ribs it hurts to cry, or cough, or laugh, so I try not to. But what Douglas has written is so, so sad. Why do bad things happen to good people? And that’s not a rhetorical question.

I met Douglas in England about twenty years ago, when he was a young lawyer just starting to practice. Since then he has become a real star in the field of education law, fighting with great success to get the education they deserve for the differently abled.

And now he himself is battling with one of those horrible, rare neurological conditions.

He writes below about what he has and what he wants to do.

Take part in a sponsored five-day 380-km bike ride from Ashkelon to Eilat. It is for the British charity Norwood, which supports children with disabilities and helping families in need.

A healthy Douglas always was a remarkable man. Now he is ill, he is even more extraordinary.

Please, please forward this message to everybody on your mailing lists, preferably with a personal introduction – even though you don’t know Douglas, those of you receiving this message knows me (or of me!!!). This will increase Norwood’s chances of raising much needed funds through Douglas’ participation in this bike ride.

And if your financial circumstances permit, please donate to this utterly worthwhile cause.

With my heartfelt thanks and warmest wishes for a happy – and healthy – new year for you and your families.

In Israel people often say “ha-ikar ha-briyut”. In my darkest moments I have rejected that idea – that “the main thing is health”. But it’s like your nose – only when it stops working do you come to appreciate.

Bless your loving hearts

R

Here is Douglas’ message.

***************

Please forgive this intrusion and delete this email if it is unwanted.

Sorry also if you receive this email more than once as I am sending it to a number of email lists. It also appears to have gone viral in the past few days so you could get it both from me and others. My apologies if you do.

Please visit www.SeeTheAbilityNotTheDisability.com to find out why I need your help or read below.

With best wishes

Douglas

P.S. Please forward this email onto as many people as possible who you think would want to receive it.

P.P.S. I am also attaching a flyer in case anyone wants to pass it onto others the ‘old way’! (Note from Ruth: I’ll happily send it on to anyone who wants it – email me)

***

Have you ever considered what it might be like to be trapped in your own body?

To have a fully functioning brain but to have a body that doesn’t work the way that you want it to?

Well, that’s me. And things will only get worse. Let me explain…

I am a 44 year old solicitor, married with three children (aged 14, 12 and 11) specialising in representing parents of children with special educational needs and disabilities. I am quite good at what I do. In fact, I am rated as joint no.1 in the UK in Education Law by the leading legal directories.

Ironic isn’t it that seven years ago, when I was 37, I was diagnosed with a rare, progressive, degenerative, neurological condition called Cerebellar Ataxia which affects my balance, coordination, speech and eyesight and which also causes me a great deal of fatigue, just trying to do the everyday things that you may take for granted.

I like to joke that my condition doesn’t affect my life expectancy, my cognition or my sense of humour but the truth is there is currently no treatment or cure. Unfortunately, my physical deterioration has also been much quicker than I had anticipated and I started using a wheelchair to get around a couple of years ago.

So what does this have to do with you?

At the end of the year, in November, Norwood, a charity supporting children with disabilities and helping families in need is again organising one of its famous bike rides in Israel, from Ashkelon to Eilat, to raise money. It is 380 km over 5 days and is quite challenging.

I have always wanted to do something like this but, in recent years, have had to come to terms with the fact that it will now not be possible because of my condition. But the doctors in charge of my medical care advised me early on that whatever I wanted to do in life I should try to do earlier rather than later so I am trying to cram the rest of my life into a few years.

I am worse now than I was this time last year but am better now than I will be in another year’s time. With the rate of my deterioration I have realised that if I do not do a bike ride now I may never have the opportunity to do something like this again.

So, with the help of good friends, particularly Paul Tuhrim and Stephen Harrison, I am planning to do the ride in a specially modified recumbent trike. I am going to do as much by myself as I can but, when I am unable to do any more, I am going to be physically connected to the rear wheel of Paul or Stephen’s bike in front of me and we will ride in tandem.

This is where I need your help.

It is unlikely that I will ever be able to do this again and therefore I want to maximise what I can raise for Norwood. Norwood have agreed, kindly, to ring-fence all the donations made in my name for a special project (currently being determined.) I hope that you will be able to help me/Norwood by sponsoring me and making a donation.

You can sponsor me by going to my uk.virginmoney website.

http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/DouglasSilas

Please help me make a difference both to my life and to other people’s lives.

Douglas (Silas)

P.S. Please pass this message onto as many people as possible.

Dear RRR
I’m doing pretty well these days.
As a result of chemo, peripheral neuropathy, especially in the feet. Doing hydrotherapy on the kupa. Using a stick so that when I walk I’m less likely to lose my balance.
Hearing also damaged by same chemo, Taxol. Going to get a hearing aid. Goodbye interpreting (?).
Shrink now has me on Lamictal to control mood swings.
Yet again fighting connivance, corruption, covering of rear ends, graft, abuse of office, malfeasance and malversation (“breach of duty”  – meila betafkid) at City Hall…
Think of me as a cross between Erin Brockovich and Miss Marple!

Those windmills, they keep saying: Tilt at us, tilt! And I’m tilting….
Shavua tov – have a great week
R

Attorney General Yehuda Weinstein decided Monday to question Supreme Court Justice Yoram Danziger under caution, over his links to Bat Yam Mayor Shlomi Lahiani. This would be the first time a Supreme Court judge is questioned under caution.

The Justice Ministry said in a statement that “the attorney general has decided clarifications are needed, considering the circumstances of (Danziger’s) employment at the Bat Yam municipality and concerning legal services he gave to the mayor as a private lawyer before being appointed as a judge.”

Lahiani is currently being investigated on suspicion of bribery and other charges.

Earlier Monday, Danziger told Supreme Court President Dorit Beinisch that he is taking leave, in order to avoid being suspended. According to the law, the Supreme Court president may order the suspension of a judge who is under criminal investigation.

The Bat Yam municipality reportedly paid Danziger some NIS 823,000 for legal services.

********************

Saturday, July 30 2011

Thursday, July 28 2011|+972blog

Circle of absurdity: Hard-working Israelis can barely make ends meet

The housing fiasco is part of a much bigger problem. It’s about the amount Israelis give, and what they get in return. This protest should be about a fundamental change in the way we set our priorities

By Shaul Amsterdamski

1. I’m a parasite. My parents taught me to be independent, and yet – I’ve turned out to be a parasite. I’m a parasite because I have no other way to survive. In two weeks I’ll turn 31; I’m married with a kid who’s one year and five months old, and yet I’m still a parasite. It’s been seven years since I moved into my Dad’s apartment in Jerusalem. For seven years, my Dad has been paying off the mortgage on his apartment in Petach Tikva and not getting any rent for his apartment in Jerusalem, which used to belong to my late grandmother. All this because I’m squatting in his apartment.

I live with this nagging feeling every day. I wake up with it and go to bed with it at night. And it’s not pleasant, not pleasant at all. And I have no choice.

I have no choice because I know that to buy a basic three-bedroom apartment – not in Tel Aviv, God forbid, but in one of the suburbs – I’ll need a mortgage of over 1 millions shekels (294,000 USD). And for such a mortgage I’ll have to commit to pay the bank 6,000 shekels (1,764 USD) a month every month for at least 25 years. 6,000 shekels for 300 months. I’m terrified to jump into this pool as there’s no guarantee that I’ll be able to pay so much money for such a long time.

And this is precisely the miserable, pathetic bottom line of the tent protests. Just like the cottage cheese protest, it’s obvious that the housing problem is part of a much bigger problem. The root of this problem is probably based in the fact that although I’m young and talented, and I have invested my capital and efforts in gaining my education, the structure of the Israeli labor market in 2011 does not supply me with any job security. Although I love my job very much, no one can guarantee that I will continue to do it for 25 years, certainly not at its current salary level. Some day, let’s say in 10 years, I’ll be too old and too expensive. And then some young whippersnapper will come along, all energetic and talented and cheap. I’ll be replaced, but the mortgage will remain.

2. In order to really understand that the problem of the middle class goes far deeper than the housing problem, we need to really strip away at the problem, and get right down to the root of the matter and peel away the many layers. The first layer is the layer of location. We want to live in a place that’s good for us. Not too far from the family, not too far from the job. Where there’s good education for our kids. Where there’s a cultural life that suits us.

I’ve been living in Jerusalem for seven years. I’ve worked in Tel Aviv for the last two years. I do this because the state, or the free market, does not know how to provide me enough employment opportunities in my hometown. Therefore I fill my gas tank twice a week. I do this because the state hasn’t provided me with suitable public transportation. A fast train between Tel Aviv and Israel’s capital city is an expensive thing, and according to Treasury estimates may not return the investment. So, nothing is done. They drag their feet. They withhold funds. They stall. Meanwhile, let the workers drive their own cars, get stuck in traffic and pollute the air. As long as they buy gas and pay taxes. A lot of taxes.

And to pay taxes, you have to work. A lot. Both parents. And in order to work you have to figure out an arrangement for the kid. But the state hasn’t provided a solution for raising kids at a reasonable price. The tremendous sacrifice that each parent feels each and every morning as he drops his kid at off at daycare or a private kindergarten apparently doesn’t bother the state. It isn’t entered into the budget ledgers. So it doesn’t pay for the state to establish proper frameworks at a normal price for infants. So we pay. A lot. Soon we’ll pay even more.

And these are only the immediate layers: employment, transportation, raising children. That’s without even touching on the issue of the quality of educational, health and cultural services. That’s before we’ve even touched on the issue of the character of the neighborhood, the phenomena of “Orthodoxization” and settlements. All this is in the most basic level of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

3. Satisfying these basic needs costs a lot of money, whether due to the helplessness of the state or due to the low level of competition in the various market sectors. Either way, the result is this: we are required to pay a lot, every month, in order to satisfy our basic needs. And this also results in something else: We are required to work a lot. Loads.

If you look at OECD figures recently published, Israel ranks fourth from the bottom out of 34 countries in the organization’s index of work-life balance. The reason for this very clear: We work more, compared to the citizens of other countries, and therefore devote less time to our families and ourselves. We don’t do this because we like to work more than other nations. We do this because the state does not provide us with enough services, because the prices are high, and because we are required to support a large segment of the society that doesn’t work.

So when the prime minister and finance minister gloat over the low employment rate in Israel – and it is indeed low – there’s another side to that figure. Besides the fact that it does not correctly reflect the severe problems of the Israeli labor market, it ignores the fact that despite our working hard, and too much, we do not actually have any job security. Every day is a new day. At any given moment our career could end. At any given moment the company could shut down, or someone could replace us. It’s a constant fear that we live with. In industry, hi-tech, and journalism. Even in the public sector, except for organizations with unions of semi-dictatorial powers.

This fear makes us feel depressed or stressed, but we manage to repress it by working far too long hours. By the by, our ability to see and understand the social and economic procedures that keep this machine alive shrinks to an absolute minimum. And thus, how unfortunate, the circle of absurdity is complete.

4. Therefore there is no way in the world that any housing plan – as brilliant as it may be – will help the middle class. We were told that we would learn, work and succeed. But that was a lie. Or reality has changed. Because it doesn’t matter how educated we are and how hard we work, and even if we manage to save every shekel, the real estate prices will continue to distance themselves from the total of our savings much faster than we can save the money. And this is what the prime minister, and certainly his finance minister, don’t understand, or do not want to understand.

That’s why it’ll be heartbreaking if the current protests end without having a strong political impact. It’s not only about calling for elections. It’s difficult anyway to see anyone in this government who has an interest in new elections, and therefore it won’t happen. It’s about a deep, thoughtful and practical upheaval. It’s about changing our national priorities as they are expressed in the state budget, which is the most important tool the government has to serve its citizens.

In order to truly change the country’s set of priorities everyone must understand that the current system can not be sustained for much longer. This story has been told more than once, but maybe it will finally trickle into the consciousness: there is enough money in the public coffers but it’s invested in extreme inefficiency (as in the education or health sectors) or it is directed to very specific political targets (the settlements) or to non-productive sectors (yeshivas) or the state simply renounces its citizens (by transferring social services to the third sector). These numbers amount to billions of shekels a year.

Just a few percentage points of those sums, if they were invested efficiently in the right places, would allow us to satisfy our needs without having to work so much. And we wouldn’t even mind the taxes then.

Radically changing our set of priorities, which is what the tent protesters are hoping for and calling for and not for some kind of patchwork in the housing sector, cannot happen immediately. It will happen if, and only if, Treasury officials feel comfortable to loosen the purse strings that have been so tightly closed for so long. And this will happen if, and only if they know, the officials, that they can count on the politicians not to turn the budget into a den of thieves, when they are assured that our public officials are responsible for their actions and for our money.

But for that we need to choose our public officials wisely and responsibly.

Shaul Amsterdamski is the head of the News Desk at the Israeli financial daily Calcalist.

This article was published in Calcalist on 27 July, 2011 and is posted with the author’s and Calcalist’s permission.

Translation from Hebrew: Ami Kaufman
Welcome to 972 Magazine’s blog. Here we will post daily quotes, videos, articles by guest writers and translations of items from the Hebrew media.

To submit articles, pictures or video for publication, please view our guest posts policy in the About page, and then write to:
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© 2011 +972 Magazine+972 is an independent, blog-based web magazine. It was launched in August 2010, resulting from a merger of a number of popular English-language blogs dealing with life and politics in Israel and the Palestinian territories, as well as the the wider geopolitical context. The magazine’s stated purpose is to offer a fresh, on-the-ground perspective and analysis of the rich and unexpected cultural and social life in this region. +972 is jointly owned by its authors.